Tell me about growing up in Boulder. And was there an acting scene there?
I loved growing up in Boulder. It is one of the cities that I tell every person of color or someone from a marginalized community, you need to go. Because of the beauty that surrounds the city, and the outdoors, the access to a feeling of freedom is quite potent. With that, it was very difficult for me to figure out who I was as an individual who I was in, in the community of Boulder because it is a predominantly white area. The wealth disparity also can be intense. That was difficult growing up with a single mom. Single African mom. Cameroonian West African mom. There wasn't a lot of acting in the area. But there was a lot of access to art, I would say. So, I was able to walk into art galleries and there were usually free concerts and things like that. So, exposure to art, and exposure to plays were still there. CU Boulder was in my backyard. I would go to the Shakespeare Festival every year with my mom, and just watch the plays, and watch people perform, not quite understanding everything that they were saying at the time.
You enjoyed the spectacle of it all.
Exactly. I think I also, needed to see how women, in particular, could command a room and could be so strong in a crowd. That was very impactful for me as a young, queer, female-presenting kid, so yeah, there were a few performing art schools in Denver, that I wasn't able to go to but we stayed in Boulder Longmont area. I was curious about them. But I think I knew I always wanted an education that was a little bit more well-rounded. By that, I mean, not so heavily focused on the arts. I wanted history as well. I wanted math. I just wanted to know as much as I could. And that is what informs my art today.
When you say you're looking around, and you're seeing things like the Shakespeare Festival…. At what point does it click for you? Okay, I need to I need to act.
I started as a dancer first. I danced in fourth and fifth grade when I was 9-10 years old. Right. My love for the stage started with movement and started with music. I think it's because it got me connected to culture. My culture. Where acting came into play when I was young, was always school plays. In fifth grade, we did a play called Sadako which was about the Hiroshima bombings. And it was very intense for fifth grade.
A fifth grader fully comprehends all that. That's a lot.
Exactly! The lead girl and the lead boy role get broken up into eight roles. So, everybody's mama can see their kids, you know, and I got to play one of the sockos, which, now I would never play. But I digress, I was in fifth grade. I learned so much about history, and I felt like I was being celebrated for empathy. I felt like I was challenged too. Two days before we did our play, one of the other leads had to go home because her grandparents passed away. So, I was asked if I could learn and perform her part. And I was like, I don't know if I could do it. She said You don't have to do homework. I said, if I don't have to do homework, I'll do it!
I did it, and I had the lines memorized. My mom said to me, at the end of the play, "I couldn't even tell which one is your original part, versus the part you just got." I said, oh, I think I think I'm good at this. I think I can do this; It was really from that point on that I knew I wanted to act.
Let's fast forward a few years. Tell me about Chapman. Because if you just want to learn, can't you be almost overstimulated on a college campus? There's so much to learn. How did that affect your view of the acting world or performing in general?
I learned a lot. I think I learned things that I had no intention of learning. What I loved though, was I did go to school for acting, so that at least grounded me in the arts. I was spending 12 to 18 hours a week in acting classes or film-related classes. Outside of that, what I was learning was about the world. I grew up in a predominantly white area, but I didn't quite understand what that meant. On a global and national scale, I didn't understand the generational implications of that. There are not a lot of people like me here because of the systemic issues.
Choices were limited.
Yes, exactly. That's where I learned about redlining. That's where I learned about the Voting Rights Act. That's where I learned about so much of the history that kept black and brown people at a disadvantage. It feels weird that I'm learning about that at a PWI, but the reason why is because it was like the 106 black students that were there at the time. Everybody banded together and we were passing around so much information not only about the school but life. It was overwhelming at times, not because of the amount of information but because of the amount of generational healing that was happening.
First time hearing about some of that changes how we view the world.
It opened my eyes and then and being queer like I had, I want to say this. I love my family deeply. However, there were some things that we needed to address. And I felt that a college campus gave me a safe way to figure out who I was. It also gave me tools using psychology and facts to come back with so that we could all be on a similar page. College helped me find myself. I don't think it's the only way for you to find yourself. I think information and communication between like-minded individuals helps.
Was there a fork in the road as far as which part of the industry you wanted to put yourself in? With all your knowledge, you could have chosen in front of or behind the camera. Talk to me about your decision.
When I started to look at college applications…. I was basically like what are we doing here? I just took the ikigai approach. What are you good at? What do you love? What can make you money? What's good for the world? That intersection is how I made the decision. So acting was the entry point. At Chapman, I applied to two programs, which were screen acting, as well as theater performance. I was drawn to Chapman for their film school, but I didn't know anything about film. Originally, I got into theater performance. About a month before school started, someone dropped out of the Screen Acting Program, and I got a call saying, do you want to do the Screen Acting Program? I said, Okay, sure. Let's do it. When I learned about film and television, I fell in love.
A match made in heaven.
My heart like it. What I realized was, I could take the legacy of my great-grandmother who was in Cameroon, and she's a storyteller. And how her stories have passed down from generation to generation, to my baby cousin, who's two years old, and I could amplify that even more with film and television. Imagine now our stories being told, and they can forever live, whether it's on a big screen or YouTube. People could engage in my culture and my stories in such a new and beautiful way. With that said, I am an actor, but I see myself more as an artist. So, acting, writing, directing, singing, anything that I could do to be a tool for a Spirit, God, Allah, whatever word you want to use for it. I'm very connected to it. And I say that I am a tool for whatever it needs to be used. I have been given these gifts because I am supposed to uplift my people.
Do you put a piece of yourself into every performance that you're doing? Or do you let it consume you? What's your method? You don't have to give away too much of the secret sauce if you don't want to.
I'll give you all that I can explain. I'm not a person that likes to hold on to information, because I want to see us create the greatest things possible. And if someone else can do it better with my process, then here. I have an entire character sheet that I fill out. The first page is a Venn diagram, which has the character, myself, and then the in-between. I write out some things that are popping up in the script about the character, the historical context that the character has, or just a vibe. Then I'll write a few things about myself. Where I like to play to begin, particularly in film and television, because we don't have a lot of time to prepare, I like to play in the middle. A little bit of me a little bit of the character, and that is my foundation. From there, I get deeper. then I'm really like, reading up on the history, I'm deciding when they were born, what year they were born, what time if they have siblings, and that hasn't been discussed. I get to play, imagine, and create a very real person with my experiences as the foundation and the grounding force. Maybe the character has a child. I don't have a child, but I do think of my cousin or my friend's kids who are like my nephews and nieces. I think of my connection to them, I substitute that it's based in me, then I allow something more to grow out of that. A lot of times I learn a lot about myself and the world through the roles I've been given to portray.
Can that be an uncomfortable process? As you're reading for a character and learning about yourself?
Sometimes it is. I believe that every time I've given an audition, or I'm given a role, it is an opportunity for me to come closer to myself. Come closer to God, and heal through some things. I've gotten roles that took me to Mississippi in the south at a time when I was having a lot of difficulties with how I would even communicate with someone that is from the south thinking in my mind that there's there is a lot of racism there. And I'm not saying there's not. Because it is. But people live there, obviously, right? Full lives. Beautiful lives. So, for me to just not look because I'm uncomfortable with potentially seeing a Confederate flag. Yeah, that is going to do all of us a lot worse down the road. They're wonderful stories that need to be told. A role that I worked on, in an acting class, had a history of sexual assault. And I have a history with that as well. That was hard because now it's like, okay, where's the line of protecting myself, protecting my piece, protecting my mental health, and doing this role justice?
The diagram gets very scary at that point. Because you're looking at yourself.
I think it's also an opportunity to say things that you maybe wanted to say and didn't have the chance to or be something that you want it to be but work these bills had to get paid. So you couldn't you couldn't sit on the couch and cry. So it can be an opportunity, but I do think for it to be an opportunity. You have to have people riding with you. You have to have good friends, a good acting coach, a good acting community. So if anything does get too tough, you have people to like, remind you of who you are, bring you back home, bring you back home. Exactly. And when we see, you know, there is a history of actors who I don't want to say they don't have that. But let's you know, the reality is they're no longer with us, because of the roles that they've had that consumed them. They needed more than what they were given. Yeah. Yeah,
Is there anything that you do right before you hear action? Any mantras or prayers.
Absolutely. I'm sitting, the cameras in front of me lighting is on action, and the first thing I do is appreciate the work that so many people have done around me. And by that, I mean, there's not very much I have to act at this point. The production designer has put in work to make this diner or whatever looks very real. The gaffers and grid have made the lighting, so I understand that. It's appreciating the work that has been done. Then for me to go, this is real. There's not much I have to do. All I need to bring at this point is my moment before. Where was I right before this moment? Bring that in and go. Now, the preparation for the beginning of the day is a little bit different. And that is what I also want to bring to this question. When I arrive on set, and let's say I have a trailer, I'm lighting an incense. I'm quieting my mind, I'm meditating, and I'm setting an intention for the day. if I had a bad day, ground me. If I need some energy, I'm asking for energy. It's quieting my mind because it gets loud up here. I can be anxious. I don't need to amp myself up, because I tend to be kind of amped already. It's bringing things down so that I have somewhere to spring and go.